stuff

...Been awhile since my last post...much has transpired over the last couple of months.

My mother has been in the hospital for nearly two months, literally fighting for her life after an undetected tumor ruptured in her abdomen, perforating her lower intestine and causing sepsis to flow into the recesses of that once sterile environment. She is currently stable and taking her first steps on the long road to recovery.

trying to take all of this in and make sense of it has and still is taking some doing.
We as a family are grateful to God that mom is still with us, but wonder where this is all going to end.
Publicly we hold on to hope and trust in the sovereignty of God, knowing that He has this entire situation in His hands. Privately, however, we wonder why? We look at our mother and question what God is doing through all of this...what purpose will this serve?

Currently it is serving to strengthen our faith and teach us that there definitely are more important things in life than the "pursuit of happiness." i can't think of another time when my immediately family has been closer and our faith in God stronger.
The Holiday's typically bring people together around the themes of peace, love, joy, enabling us to set aside the smallness of our pride and petty differences that tend to divide and disrupt the unity of our homes.
Although our family spent Christmas celebrating in a hospital room, we were together and we were united in hope and love.
It seems like more than a couple weeks have past since the turning of the new year, but time has become an invisible enemy with whom we battle desperately. Time is powerful. Especially when allied with discouragement. These two foes war for our last vestiges of hope and determination, but we will not be taken down so easily.

Our hope is in our savior's love, who gave all for us. So we join in the anthem of creation to Christ our King and rejoice in Him whose love is constant and ever faithful to those who put their trust in Him...

No one is prepared when tragedy strikes. We watch other people go through difficult times and wonder silently, how would I handle that situation if it were to happen to me?
My dad and I have pondered that question in some conversations we've had over the last several weeks. As pastors, we typically have some words of encouragement and a scripture verse or two to offer people when they are going through a crisis, but when the shoe is on the other foot, those words can seem hollow and a bit trite...if we let them.

Those words, those powerful words, like hope, love, and peace, when coupled with the anointing of the Spirit of God, truly are transformational.
There is nothing more helpful, nothing more hopeful, than those simple words. When we try and conjure them up in and of ourselves they are hollow, trite and overused. But when they are breathed through the life giving spirit of God into our consciousness...there is nothing that compares, nothing that can offer what God offers through those realities. Peace, Hope, Love...
I hope those are realities in your life today and everyday.

do-overs

I've been doing some studying/teaching through the Kings and Chronicles and have observed some pretty amazing things.
1. The arrogance and stupidity of Israel (Judah later on too) never ceases to amaze me. They repeatedly thumbed their noses at God in spite of the constant warnings they received about impending judgment and doom that would befall them if they didn't repent and change their ways.

2. We are not unlike Israel and Judah.
3. God is Just.
4. God is Merciful
5. In spite of bad decisions that have been made by you or for you,,,,
(legacy of the Kings of Israel/Judah) You can start over again.
It is in your power to change, no matter what your heritage.

Pretty cool stuff!

Now the fatalistic among us would argue that once the cards have been dealt, it's over, you have to make do with what you have in your hand. True...to a point. we are powerless to change the past, but we have to decide how we are going to respond to the cards we've been dealt and how it will affect our future...no one else can do that for us. The beauty of God is that He's always shuffling the deck and with Him, you have the ability to discard and pick up a brand new hand. We simply must open our eyes to the possibilities...because with God, anything is.

...driving my life away...

I like to drive.
some people don't like to get behind the wheel any more than they absolutely have to, but I'm one of those crazies who enjoys the hum of the open road.
Maybe it's the competitive nature that drives most males that fuels my zest or the video game induced rally sport longing in me to drift around corners...who knows...
Anyway, i digress...on one drive recently, i happened to be alone and in those moments i really do relish the opportunity to turn the music up loud or embrace the silence of reflective prayer. The latter was the case this time and in that moment i was reminded, by the gentle prompting of the Holy Spirit, that God has wired me to hear from Him.
The way he created me, from my annoying idiosyncrasies to the depths of my psyche, was to specifically hear from Him.
So, I realized once again, that it is incumbent upon me to make sure that I create moments, daily moments, in which His is the only voice to which I tune in.
There in lies the tension... often, I tune in, way too often to too many alternate sources of meaningless drivel.
So today, in this very public of formats, I make this commitment.
I endeavor to make the time I spend listening to and communing with God, the most prevalent of time spent taking in and remove the majority of the "noise" cluttering my brain.
This may seem like a pointless exercise to some who read this, but I know that in those moments when I choose to give ear - that my ears and my spirit and my heart will indeed be filled with that which is necessary for my health and my sanity on many levels...the unmistakable, still, small voice of God.
So roll on you open road...unstop my crowded ears.

L.O.V.E.

Weddings are one of those services that we as ministers provide to people, outside of our Sunday and Wednesday duties...
I really see it as a privilege, that two people would entrust to me the beginning of the most significant human relationship they will ever have. That's pretty heavy stuff...
Except, I guess, if you view marriage through the lens of our culture...where anyone can go online, and in about 15 minutes, be ordained to perform marriages through any number of sanctioning "churches". For some reason this doesn't seem right to me...

It doesn't bother me that you don't have to actually be a pastor to perform marriage ceremonies. I think what bothers me is that this is just another symptom of how we in America have trivialized the significance of the union between a man and woman.

Even if you don't believe in God, there is something pretty amazing about the level of faith and commitment two individuals are placing in and toward one another when they take up the responsibility of uniting in marriage.
Maybe that's the whole issue right there...commitment is so fleeting and relationships treated as utterly disposable, that we take the path of least resistance when entering in to what essentially is a covenant between the man and woman.
Here I go...it's not just the marriage ceremony that's been corrupted, the whole idea of love is completely polluted. Love has become a means to an end, we use it to satisfy our selfish desires and twisted sense of entitlement and gratification. Love is no longer love...it is a vehicle that is bound to the servitude of self.
Love without strings attached...how quaint.
When you talk about deference and sacrifice for the sake of the highest good of your partner, people almost scoff with disdain and disbelief at the "unenlightened, irrelevant and antiquated", idealism and naivete that you possess.
You know what? I'm perfectly content to stay naive, idealistic, unenlightened, antiquated and even irrelevant, if it means that the love i give and receive is unfettered by the freedom genuine love supplies.
The measure of genuine love is just that: it is both freely given and freely received...just as God intended.
Man, i could go on and on, but the bottom line is this:
Love doesn't do what we feel like doing, true love is bound to the character of its creator and in that, we find all that we're looking for and more.
I Corinthians 13) says something like this: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
Indeed, how quaint...

"a walk to remember..."

yesterday, I got outside and went for a little hike in the woods with my two sons...and 20 other men and boys. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Actually, it was really good. We got to spend some time together doing a "manly" thing, and I got to observe my boys and gain a little more insight into their development as men and potential leaders.
Aside from the initial feelings of guilt, like, "man, we really ought to do this more often", I was struck by another thought; the desire to lead is so prevalent in the psyche of young boys. We were with a large group of men and boys from our church, and it was almost laughable at how the boys jockeyed for position on this very narrow trail.
I don't know if you've ever had the opportunity to observe the machinations of the man cub first hand, but it really is comical and educational. In part, because those of us who have bigger bodies and refer to ourselves as men, really don't get much beyond those desires to run pell-mell through the woods, throwing rocks and poking things with sticks...but, that's another conversation for another time.
As I mentioned, the comedy is found in the jostling and shoving, trying to be the first one, leading the way, prancing and pawing, asserting one's dominance...running ahead, tiring out, but summoning just enough energy to stay with the guy who's trying to pass us by...(great lessons in human nature)
So for a few hours yesterday, I got to observe, first hand, this inherent desire to lead. Each boy, in his own way, trying to make his presence felt, trying to be a dominant figure on the trail, leading the charge through the wilderness.
Just trying to lead.
I think all of us, male or female, go through this developmental phase. We want to be seen as someone who is out in front, leading the charge. We want to shoulder the responsibility, to be trusted. We want to be valued enough to have followers, people who consider us worthy of following.
My own son, verbalized his desire to lead simply in asking me, "hey dad, can I be the leader?" So, he lead.
Then, after he had been leading for a while, a most extraordinary thing occurred, he turns to me and asks, "am I doing a good job leading?"
My response, was something "wise and fatherly", like, "oh yeah, buddy, you're doing a great job". I wasn't aware until later, as I thought about it, how important that small exchange was for him.
Not only to be seen as the leader, but to be affirmed in his position and performance.
I think all of us cry out for that at our core. We want so badly to be seen as a leader, we want to be affirmed in that role and we want to know we are doing a good job.
The problem is, as John Eldrege says in his book Wild at Heart, we have been wounded somewhere along the path of life.
So instead of being built up in our capacity to lead, while trying to make our way to the front of the line, our confidence was shattered, our spirit crushed, in a manner, that for some, still bears repercussions in our lives. And so we allow another to step in front and we follow in silence and brokenness.
I won't take the time in this format, to unravel the intricacies of this conversation, but instead, make an attempt to hone in on this one detail.
- Each of us is called to lead in some capacity.
Whether at home, in our workplace, in our school, we all have been given a mandate by God himself, to show others the right way to go.
We cannot wait to lead until we have acquired followers or what we feel are an adequate number of followers, we cannot wait to lead until someone asks, we must endeavor to lead, even if it seems no one is following.
Because, even if no one is following at the moment...people are watching, waiting to see if you seem to know where you are going. And if we follow Christ, there is no doubt, that the trail we're on is the right one...and every once in a while, we'll sense Him, cheering us on, giving us those "attaboys" that we need to hear.
So, as we allow Christ to set the pace and do our best to follow Him, not worrying about those who jostle and bump, trying to make their way to the front...
You just might be amazed to find, as you successfully navigate a hairpin turn in the trail, that there is a line of souls stretched out behind you as you make this journey we call life.
Lead on my friend, lead on!

say what?

I was reading in Acts recently and was struck by a verse I've read a gazillion times.
In Acts chapter one, Jesus is talking with the disciples post-resurrection and telling them about the eminent arrival of the Holy Spirit.
Then out pops the question that we see asked multiple times throughout the 4 gospels:
"Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?"
I thought about the question and the mindset from whence it was birthed...those guys, the disciples, the people following Jesus around, were still waiting for him to don the political/military mantel of conquering hero and overthrow the Roman government. In spite of all they had witnessed Jesus do and say, they were still caught up in the circumstance surrounding their lives in first century Palestine...wishing Jesus would wave His magic wand and make it all go away.
This line of thinking provoked this thought in me:

Not much has changed in nearly 20 centuries since that conversation recorded in the first chapter of Acts occurred. We still have questions and concerns that have to do with everything that's going around us. We want to know when the change is going to come...when is God going to address our social ills, conquer injustice, end poverty, fix the economy, etc...?
And many today assert that we can "be the change"...
However, and I do not intend for this to be, in any way, a political commentary, perhaps the change that we desire to see occur externally, must initiate internally.
Maybe, the question we should be asking is;
"Lord, what do you want to change in me?"
Instead of running around pointing fingers and blaming God for the circumstance we find ourselves in and crying out to Him to change it, perhaps we ought to ask ourselves, what needs to happen in me in order for God to work in these other areas of my life?
The beauty of the Acts account is found in the verses following the question regarding the kingdom...(Acts 1:4-8) Jesus, in a sense, gently brushes the question about their political agenda away and in a sense says, in order to help the disciples get the point, don't worry about such things, cause here's what I'm going to do for you..."you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Essentially saying...Here you are worried about these little things going on around you...I want to empower you to change the world!
This, I believe is the rallying cry for us...We're so worried about the stuff going on in our lives and around our world, God wants to begin the process of fixing those things, by empowering us to change them from the inside out!
What is it, that needs to change in you in order for change to begin around you?

running man

It's so funny and infuriating, how susceptible we are to the folly our pride produces.
Even when we know what we're doing or about to do will end with disastrous results, we forge ahead like a charging rhino, lumbering in to the fray with a "devil may care", bravado.
I can't tell you how many times, I've shaken my head in attempt to rid it of the rubble of my stupidity, brought down by pride's subversive whisper...
As i look back through the annals of time i see more public figures and even nations who have been brought low by the alluring notes of pride's serenade.
Oh, that it were so easy to look forward by looking back...but then again, perhaps it is.
Our problem, is this issue of pride. Though we can learn from history, we choose to ignore it, believing that through our superior intellect, technology and ingenuity we can overcome the specter of blunders past.
So, lest I ramble further, I pose a couple of questions.
Why is it so difficult for us to lay aside our pride and admit when we are wrong or in need of wise counsel?
Why do we refuse to see that we are headed down a path that is well trodden and littered with the bones of those whose pride blinded them to the hazards that became their undoing?
Perhaps it's like the age old story of the man who refuses to stop and ask for driving directions even though he knows good and well he is hopelessly lost...

We constantly run from the appearance of need...
If I ask for help I am weak,
If I admit I'm wrong I am a fool.
I don't need anyone to help me...i am self-sufficient, i am master of my destiny.

Funny, for those who relish the perception of power and control, we frequently flounder in the shallows of insecurity, flailing away, yet never really making any headway or achieving much of value because we just can't seem to get out of our own way.
And there we stay, wallowing in the repetitious folly that is handcuffed to us by our pride.
Perhaps the race is best run while following someone who knows where they're going.
In the end, we might even discover the key that unlocks the fetters of our pride.